Grenade

Yesterday i turned out loud avicii,
Today, secondhand serenade is on replay.

It was the day i came back after the 9-days-trip to the place I used to wake up every morning.
It was the first time we both ever talked since then.
Really, many things has changed.
Im not surprised because it was the same for me too.

Staring at the buildings and people of the city, moving,
Through the clear window,
With music so loud,
Figuring out, thinking,

There are approximately at least one unfortunate person in every second who was hopeless,
Decided to end it, this life.
Im not afraid to tell that i was thinking some day i could be the one.

As for Hazel Graze(The Fault In Our Stars), Im a grenade.
There were so many, too many things bursting, wandering around,
Chemicals(emotions) mixing, adding up waiting to explode.
I couldnt help but to shed a tear.

For real, I've never turn up to someone. Crying or sharing my problems.
Not because i dont want, but because there was no Someone.
No one seems to be there or care.
I dont blame them, though.
Because if it was me, i wont, too.

But im afraid, what if, this will stay?
Forever?

Because everyone else seems to be, okay.
They can continue those conversations.
They have identities,
They have Something,
They are extraordinary.

And then theres me, the kid whos got nothing.

Though,
There's this one picture I've always imagine,
A Y-shaped intersection,
Two different ways,
And that im in the middle,
Hesitating to decide.
Will I be able to turn back, if i was wrong?
Is there any chance of going back to the Middle when i took a step front?

 I thought of every little things that may help me relax.
But theres always a battle inside of me.
No, its the other way around,
Yes, you should do that,
No, what would people say,
No, dont care what people say.

I dont expect anyone to understand.
Because i dont, neither.

Regrets,
One day when i read this.
2nd June.